Tze Yien!
You dissolute fellow!
Long time no see
Yeah
Where did you go for pleasure?
I need your help, man
Tell me
Have you been to my place?
Welcome back, Sheng
How come there is a woman's voice?
It's a tape playing
Oh boy! It's so dark in here!
How come?
This is a sound-activated lamp
It's amazing
Let me show you again
Alright
This here is a champagne car
How romantic!
Is this your glass?
This place is very special
Girls just won't leave once they're here
I've never failed in courting girls
In fact I've been out for several days
Let me just get the messages
Hello, I'm Connie, Sheng
Come to me if you have time
This is Judy, Sheng
The other day you left wearing my panties
Come to return them if you've time
You can't handle so many girls!
Why don't you introduce one to me?
No problem, next one is for you
Let me hear if she sounds sweet
You seduced my wife, bastard
I'm going to castrate you
I'll dash that to you, if you like
No, thanks
Not my cup of tea
Actually, I have a girl...
in my mind
I get it
My mom always urges me to get married
Why don't you take her out?
But you know, I'm of the shy kind
Your mother raised you with hardships
She wishes you to settle down
I don't have balls to date her
Where is that girl?
She plays tennis every day
Take me there. Let me get her for you
Great!
Let's go
Mr. Sheng, this is Southeast Airlines
Your mother is taking our flight 743
She'll arrive in Hong Kong this afternoon
Dating a girl, you need a beautiful car - Yes
Yes. Which one are you going to take?
Rolls Royce
Which?
That one
Does she have a good figure?
You're lucky
I have sharp eyes. Great
Not bad
I hate that guy with moustache
He has been after her
You play great
You aren't bad either
Would you please give me a few more lessons?
These are his flirting tactics!
Paltry skill I'd say. Let me show you
This is forehand. This is backhand
And this is... smash!
Not bad, not bad
Disgusting!
Disgusting! Alright, here you go
Sure! Hold it
Hey!
He's really got good moves
I'm going to take him
What's so funny?
Look for yourself
You're such an asshole
And you a no good scum
You don't deserve to play with me
Don't yell at him
You slut!
I can't believe you're defending him!
I'm sorry to have known you. I gotta go
Hey!
You, my glasses please
Hi, where are you off to?
Hey!
Hey! Hey what?
Such a narrow-minded guy is...
so lucky to have a pretty girlfriend...
like you
Lucky him!
I'm Sisi, what's your name?
My name?
I'm Sheng, Yan Quansheng
Your son didn't come and pick you up
I don't think he is a good son
Maybe the airlines...
forgot to call him. Good boy
Put it down first.
Come on.
You're here, Sheng!
How come the lights are on?
I knew that. It's sound sensitive
Why's this place decorated like this?
It looks unique
This remote control is something!
Change into a Taiwan opera for me
What's this? Disgusting!
Drinking is not good for health
Try having some nutritious drink instead
Your son's room is weird!
It's the usual kind for a bachelor
Where has he been?
A man of repute,
...can have his seat everywhere
Hey, he sure has
valentine
Is he the most charming man...
for this year?
Mr. valentine
valentine is handsome
He's handsome but he's too old
I'm sorry, sir
This table is reserved for Mr. valentine
First come, first served!
But...
it's alright
It's spacious here. Let's sit together
I'm sorry, Mr. valentine
Look, he is such a gentleman
And with pretty girls around
Not that cool! Rather a handicap!
I can do it myself
It's a government warning
Smoking is hazardous to health
And you're likely to die from cancer
I hear that you're the greatest man...
For courting girls in Hong Kong
It's just kidding from my friends
No, the greatest man for courting girls
in Hong Kong is me
I am guessing who are you?
What a coincidence! Let us have a race
to see who is the best at courting girls
Oh, you're famous Sheng...
in Tsim Sha Tsui
Now you know me
You're famous for saying foul languages
Do you want to hear my 17 words swear?
Please be polite. Let us have a race
To see who is good at courting girls
Great.
Let us choose an object.
Let's see who can get her first
Alright
The dancing king in dancing floor
has been girls' favorite guy
She loves him so much
Let's see who can win her
How?
Kiss her and you're the winner
Alright, you first.
I go first
And you'll lose
I've never lost in courting girls
The loser has to wash toilet.
Deal
You dare! Dirty man!
Wake up!
Bloody torn!
His trousers can be mended. Let's sleep
Who will be the disco queen tonight?
I think everyone knows fairly well
We're in great pleasure to have...
Mr. valentine, the most charming man
to announce who our winner is
Please give a big hand
The disco queen for tonight is... Elain
Congratulation
You're great, valentine
I'm not great. I win because you suck
What a sarcastic comment!
Mr. Liu
Someone will wash the toilet for you
Don't let me see you again
Go and clean up the toilet
I'll do it
Car, nice car
A nice car without a pretty
Am I going to get through the night...
alone?
Please
I think Sheng won't come back tonight
You can sleep in his room
I live alone. Come in
Welcome back, Sheng
Do you have a wife?
No, it's the tape
All of them are electric equipment
It's no big deal. At this romantic night
the best drink is...
Cold Soya bean milk
No, I don't think you are thirsty
Have a seat
Why don't we listen to some music?
This is my favorite singer
You like her?
No
Her voice is difficult to mimic
Stop listening now
Why don't we have a chat?
Okay
Help yourself; I'm going to toilet
Okay
Hi!
How come there is a woman's voice?
It's the tape again
It's the tape
My house is full of tapes
Why don't we sit outside?
Out again!
Coming in, coming out, it's fun
Take a seat downstairs
I'll be right back, bye
Who are you?
I'm Ah Mei
Ah Mei
You're not one of my girlfriends
No matter who you are, get out now
Go, go now
I'm your mother's private nurse
Don't lie that you have relation to us
My mother stays in Canada
I want to take back my clothes
The tape
I don't know her
You men should have some conscience
I have conscience
He doesn't know me
Yes
You're a coward
Why do you scare him?
I really don't have a woman at my place
No woman, you say!
Then how come I hear somethin'?
Mom Mrs. Yan
And there is just an old tape playing
Sheng, she...
Don't worry, I'm nothing
Bye bye
Elain...
Why did you show up so sudden, mom?
I want to see you
Did the airlines call you?
No. Mrs. Yan
Who is this silly girl, mom?
I have heart disease. Your dad worries me
He wanted me to have a nurse around
This silly private nurse
My Chinese name is Li Yefeng
And Ah Mei is my infant name
Please don't call me silly girl
I see, silly girl
Get up, get up
Wake up, come on
What's the time?
8:30 a.m.
I won't get up at 12:00 usually
You want to kill me, silly girl
What are you doing?
You mom wanted me to wake you up
I won't get up even if your mom wakes me up
Whatever, I'm going to spray insecticide
You want to kill me
I was bitten by a bug last night
I asked them to do so.
I won't argue with a woman. I gotta go
Come and have breakfast, Sheng
To your private nurse, mom
Eat now
I hate eating sausages with fried eggs
This is the only breakfast I can cook
Shut up, Sheng
Mom, can you come out please?
What?
Why did you come back?
To persuade you to get married
Your son is good at courting girls
I can marry one everyday
But I have to marry my Mrs. Right
Which type of girl do you like?
Is this Rachel Yu?
I have nothing to do in Canada
And I watched TV and videos everyday
She is my favorite actor
She cries for every scene
She is tall and slim, only you like her
She's good to her mother-in-law in movie
I'll be happy if you have a wife like her
Let me court her.
Good boy
I'll take my driving exam tomorrow
Is that so? You have no problem
I'm anxious
Don't worry, get in
Let me try
I've learned driving for 200 hours
I'm here. 200 hours is enough
Let Miss Yu drive the car
Fasten the seat belt
Seat beat are used by cowards
It's down, I can only drive car with gears
I haven't learned to drive this kind of car
God! Now we have seat belt
Why don't I fasten it?
Boss
How's my driving?
Good, good
They're coming
Shit, I hit someone
Get out now and see what happened
I can't
I'll faint if I see the blood
Damned you
God! It hurts!
What's wrong with you?
You're bad. You knocked him down
He has two fathers and a mother
9 brothers and sisters. All rely on him
He is dying now
He's the only breadwinner in his family
Yes! For 20 years his mother has been sort of...
Sort of sandwiched
For him to study in university
Don't die!
The whole family lives on you
Don't be dead!
His nose was not broken
It's none of my business
He thumped against the car like a blind
Actually, he is a real blind man
You're blind
Yes
He can't see things
He pretended he was dead
Give you $20 to see doctor
Fuck you
What's the big deal with $20?
Let's go
Tze Yien! Tze Yien!
Get up. If you want to die, just go home
God! My waist!
Be careful
You have dropped something
That's my birthday card for Miss Rachel Yu
Would you please give her for me?
No problem
He's her loyal fan
I'm Rachel Yu
You're Miss Yu
If she's not Yu, will she be Cheng Xiaoyan?
He is so mean
Where does he live? I'm going to see you
He lives in Causeway Bay
You really want to see him?
Of course
The one who was hit down didn't call police
He should be responsible for it
I'm at your front. You're safe for sure
But I won't fear anything but you
If I know who hit me with the ball
I'll... hit you
Give him back the ball...
and treat him
It's alright, I still got $100
Go
It's alright, I still got my credit card
Hey, he's here. Over
I got you. Over
I'm sure everyone knows what to do
We're used to be extras
We got you Yes! @
Now we rehearse again
Good
Knock the door
How come it likes a fake one?
I come here to demolish the house
I'm Rachel Yu who knocked you down that day
It's you! You're a bad woman
Sheng is a blind man
And you knocked him down
You're poor, Sheng
Yes, I'm poor. I'm miserable
It's the same as the lines in movie
Please sit down
I can sit by myself
Let me sit down
Your blood circulation is not good...
after the accident. Don't sit for long
Are you alright now?
I guess so
Why did you lie to her?
The doctor said his eyesight...
has been regained 90%
Now he has to be treated for 1 more year
Don't say that
I'll pay the treatment fee for you
You cheat her money
Why you say that?
You damned mouth!
Hold your tongue!
Wait, you're familiar to me
You look like an extra...
who works at that...
low rating TV channel
Yes, he is extra
You admit it
An extra can't have baby?
Shut up
Little fatty
There's no toilet here
Shit here
Sheng
I don't know how to compensate you
It's God's will. No need to feel sorry
My only wish is to be a friend of you
We have become friends!
Really!
You want to screw me up
Miss Yu
I want to hear your acting in studio
Okay, you come tomorrow
Great
I'm going to burn your house
And you'll sleep in the street in winter
The toilet is broken down. It's old
This is senior executive's office
Sit down
What show will you on?
Talk show
Just chat with the guests
Mr. valentine
Miss Yu
Thanks for coming.
With pleasure
Please be seated
Sheng
This is Mr. valentine
The man with the best taste this year
Best taste? He sucks!
This one is...
He is my friend
He is blind, but he is strong
He is bad and strong
Yu, come and look at this trailer
Help yourself
You court girl in this way again
Don't screw me up
Think about that
This chick is hard to be dumped
I court girls at 4. No need to teach me
It seems you two have a happy chat
Miss Yu
Your friend is not blind
I just had a good chat with him
His eyes are blind but his heart isn't
He's a promising guy
Really?
I'm flattered, Mr. valentine
It's time
Come with me
Let me help him
Thank you
Let me remind you, buddy
This chick is very romantic
You need to bring up the mood
How do you know that?
You won't have your chance if I want to
You peeped at me when I was in shower
I just bring some pills to your mother
How come my mom's pills are in my room?
Why are you so uptight?
I have seen it
When I lived in Canada
I cleaned the Black everyday
Let me recommend a doctor to you
What for?
For your circumcision
Eat
Sausages with fried eggs again
You won't eat definitely.
Of course
That's great
I can enjoy my breakfast in my room
Put down the blanket, mom
What's going on?
I want to kill her
Don't ever to do that
Do you still think she is poor?
I'm afraid that she'll hurt you
She is the first runner-up of women karate
in Vancouver
Damn it!
What's going on between you and Rachel?
Of course I have no problem
I'm going to play mahjong with her mother
Let's play
But Sheng can't see...
It doesn't matter
I had carved the tiles before
I can know the tile by touching it
It's alright, just have some fun
Boss
You can know if he can be your son-in-law
What do you mean?
One has good temper or not
can be seen at mahjong table
Shit, I like swearing when playing mahjong
No matter what, I have to bear it
And I'm going to let Rachel's mother win
Remember, do something when I give signal
Five stick! Draw?
Draw!
What? My tiles are bad
North
Spring, one flower, flower again
Four similar of a kind!
You even draw the flower. Not bad
It's nothing
I could draw flower when I was 7
Mine is flower, too
A forty-thousand. God!
I can feel it even I put on gloves
I'm sorry. I don't want to do that
It's all of one suit
But it's a false win
You're so careless
How come it's a false win?
The problem is you've drawn a bamboo suit
It doesn't matter
You'll have good luck
You'll be very lucky
Hold it...
Twenty-thousand
I take it
We've played for 12 rounds and I didn't win
I know you have good tiles
But I want to take my chance
One circle
Young man
How can you discard that tile?
I see
I still have chance with 13 my orphans
Draw!
I'm waiting one and four circles
Drawing? I'm sorry
It's none of your business
It's because he can't play mahjong
I wonder if you discard one circle
What's wrong with you?
Why discard one circle!
Hey
Don't let me see him when I play mahjong
I...
He doesn't know how to play mahjong
I...
Give me money now
Damned blind man, win over 3 players
She lost
When she discards, don't draw!
West
Draw!
Draw west!
No, I said the carving of West is beautiful
Shut up
Mom
Seven circles
Thirty Thousand
Sixty Thousand
West again
West, west again
How come you have two west?
So what?
You could draw
Spare him
You'd be crazy if you lost many rounds
Red Dragon tile
Four circles
Ninety-thousand
Twenty-thousand
What a coincidence!
West.
I have been waiting you
West
Four greater blessings, awaiting West
We know you're fishing West
But other tiles
But we don't know...
He has a bad temper
Rachel is lucky for not marrying you
She would be poor if she married you
Don't be mad, auntie
Forgive him
I got pissed off from losing
I can't control myself
Damned you
Hold it...
What are you doing?
Hold it...
What do you like to eat?
What are you doing?
Just give you a hug
Let me treat you to have seafood
I heard that the oyster is good
I heard from radio yesterday
People were poisoned from eating oyster
It's enough
Hold it
I can still hold my anger
No matter what,
I have to hold it tonight
I'll find someone to beat him tomorrow
No need, we're here
I'm sorry
You asked me pretend not knowing you
Didn't you?
It's you who asked them come
No
We don't know him
Help!
Go and find some help
Me
You don't help. It must be you to call them
Okay, I'll help you
Is this real? It's real
Beat him
Don't beat me
It's none of my business
Help!
Go now
Go and help Sheng
I'm going to help Sheng, then who help me?
Boss, let me help you
Gosh!
How are you?
My head and face were hit
Talk about that later
Be careful, lie down
No, I can't
I can't catch my breath
What? You can't catch your breath?
That son of a bitch took my advantage
We threw out a lot of garlic
Chew it in your mouth
Chew it. Eat it
It's not tasty.
It's alright
I have an idea. Believe me
Really?
Don't worry
Let me do that
You can do it
What happened to you, mom?
I'm finding it difficult to breathe!
Please help my mother to breathe
Me?
Yes, do it now
Sheng, I'm here, don't worry
Can I do that?
It's none of my business
Your mouth stinks!
My sweet daughter
Don't ever to go out with guys like that
He'll kill you
Open the door
Shit
What are you doing?
Boss
The cheque you gave us
the name on it was wrong
But I don't know you
It's easy to correct it
I'm called Zhang Bengbiao, not Zhang Bengdao
I don't know you. Don't do that to me
What?
How can I know?
You asked us not beating him to death
No, I don't know
You're such an asshole
I don't want to see you. Go
It'd be better not to...
know a guy like you
What's the matter, boss?
How can I know?
They three are in one gang! Go!
No
It'd be better not to talk
It stinks
Asshole
You're Rachel
I can see you now
I can see you, Rachel
I can see you
You can see things
Must be that punch...
that stimulated my nerves
So I can see now
Sheng
Thanks God
I'm cured because of you
I don't know how to pay back you
Do I look good?
Do I need to comb my hair?
No, you head will be combed off
There
Thanks
She is my mother
This is Miss Rachel Yu
Miss Yu
I'm Ah Mei
Auntie, Sheng said...
you lost touch to each other for 18 years
You just reunited few days ago, did you?
Rachel is no stranger, mom
You gave me out
Because you had no choice
I'm happy to see you again
Yes... Yes
What do you like to eat, Miss Yu?
It's okay. The reason why we come
is that we want to talk about our wedding
Great
Go and get married
By the end of next month
Great
Let me speak my terms first
First, I won't get married in Hong Kong
We want to get married in Congo
But I won't admit Sheng is my husband
And you're not my mother-in-law
Second, we two will live together
We'll see you on every Saturday
It will be cancelled if I don't have time
Third, I won't have baby
I'll take into consideration 15 years later
Fourth, Sheng has no right...
to intervene my personal life
or make gossip
Fifth, if we divorce
92.5% of Sheng's share will be mine
If you have no question, please sign it
Sheng
It's not me, mom
She had talked to her lawyer
Sign it if you want her to be my wife
There is one appendix there
After the marriage
You should not tell the press
in any way
in public or unofficial occasion
that I'm your daughter-in-law
Or I'll sue you for slander
Are you the Rachel on TV?
These terms and conditions
are protecting my career
and my performing life
You can think about it
No way
It's you who asked me to court her, mom
Now you asked me to dump her
Are you kidding?
Take some pills
If I have to sign this agreement
I'd rather you not to get married
Mom
It's not easy to dump her
There are four steps to dating a girl
Watch, Chase, Date, Dump
Dumping a girl is the most challenging thing
I'm wrong, Sheng
Do something for it
Rachel won't let me go
if she knows that I want to dump her
I have to think a good solution to it
Do you have any idea?
I have to find an ugly woman
And let Rachel know I'm going out with her
And she will be pissed off
And we'll break up.
Damn idea
Where do you find that woman?
Right, it's easy to find pretty woman
But it's difficult to find an ugly woman
Are you invisible?
She is the one, mom
God
Ugly woman
How's the make-up, Sheng?
Who is she?
Ah Mei
No, no way
Is this look alright?
You have put on a mask
What are you doing?
I go with you for your mother's sake
I won't go if you're like that
Shut up
Get change now
Or we can't see Rachel
When you wear contact lens
you have to be careful
or the lens will be dropped
What can I do? I'm seriously shortsighted
The lens can't be dropped at the same time
If they were, you would be win in lucky draw
How can you walk like that?
She won't be jealous
Yeah, this is good
Hold the fingers
Hurry up
Shit, I win in lucky draw
How's that?
It's cool
My God!
Where is she?
I don't know
Can't she see that?
Take II
I'm sorry to you
I can't stand the temptation
I cheated you
It's my fault. Let me die
Let me die
Don't stop me, let me die
Don't say that.
It's me
You, how about her?
Miss Yu, watch your nose
valentine
What are you doing here?
My contact lens has been dropped
I can't see anything
Why don't you see me home? Okay
Wait
You want to dump her so quick
It's none of your business
I thought you had brains
But you just use an old method
It's none of your business
She lost her contact lens
Even you somersault in front of her
she can't see that
Go
Damn you, glasses dog
Go, Ah Mei
What's wrong with you?
It's over. You don't need to hold me now
Let's rehearse for next time
I don't feel comfortable with this outfit
Come back, Sheng
I'm going to play some music
Don't you want to sleep?
No, I don't
Let's play some card games
We're playing Card Thirteen
Take off a piece of clothes when you lose
Will you?
Good, you will strip yourself
A flush, take off your clothes
What are you doing?
How can you put on this outfit?
Why not?
Let's listen to some music
Great
What are you doing?
Why you turn your back on me?
I don't think you're going to bed right now
What are you doing?
Playing cards
Fine
We're playing Card Thirteen
Strip off a piece of garment if you lose
I quit. That's all
Flush
You are good luck
Three heads, 4th of second
And then flush
I just have a pair of trousers left
What about your under-pants?
I haven't got them on
Shit, I thought you were cool
I quit
It needs luck. But drinking needs capacity
Do you dare to join our drinking contest?
Each of us drink two bottles first
If you 're not drunk
then drink this bottle
Alright
Cheers
He is heavy. He is blotto
It's nasty. I'll leave you alone
Ah Mei, Ah Mei
Don't leave me
Ah Mei, Ah Mei
Don't you know that...
I want to tell you what's in my secret heart
I fall in love with you, Ah Mei
But I'm a bad man
You won't forgive me
How do you know?
Forgive me, Ah Mei
You're liar
Is there a woman in the world
doesn't like being cheated by men?
Whose car?
Get out and check it out! @! @ Okay
You're back, Sheng
Let me introduce him to you
valentine is ladies' man
I ask him to help you
What? Him
Yes, Uncle valentine is...
your mother's good friend
Call me uncle! @! @Uncle
What can he do to help me?
What skills do you have?
He has been dating girls more than 20 years
He's more experienced than you
What does he have?
When you want to break up with somebody
it's more difficult than dating them
Do you think I don't know that?
Well, I ain't qualified enough to teach you
I defeated you once
I just made a careless mistake last time
Now I'm going to give you one more chance
What are you two doing?
It's none of your business, mom
Bring it on
You're going out with Rachel Yu
It's easy
I'm going to win her...
within 72 hours
Can you do that?
I want her leave you and go out with me
Wash toilet for the loser
Deal
You go and buy some cleansers
This kid
I will win over him
You're good these two days
I don't need to go shooting
And you stay with me the whole day
I'm pleased to do that
Why you don't want to...
go out with me?
There are many people outside
I want to be alone with you
Let me answer it
This is answering machine
Miss Yu was out for travel
Please don't call her again
That's all?
The telephone
I don't want people to disturb us
That's why I gave your mom's flight ticket
to China
Yan calling Fatty, Over
Do you copy?
Fatty is watching valentine
He is still at home
He is at home now
He didn't go out for 2 days
What? He has a deal with me
It's over 48 hours now
Did anybody come?
No, I even bugged his phone
He just called for wonton noodle once
It's strange. You keep an eye on him
Call me if something happens. Over
Just one hour left
You'll lose, valentine
Let's go out and have dinner, Sheng
I have made some salad for you to eat
I'm at home for 3 days. I'll be crazy
I want to go out, no matter what
I'll go out with you after 8 p.m.
Why?
Don't ask. After 8 p.m.
We can go anywhere you like
You must've been up to something real bad
Go and watch TV
Alright
Now comes player No.62 from Canada
Johnson
He is a young athlete
He is 19
Hello!
Thank you, Mr. valentine
You're so kind to call me
Mr. valentine, may I remind you
to bring a bottle of lemon cleanser
I love to smell it
Just one hour left
I thought you can do some magic for it
If you can
please do it in one hour
And I'll believe you.
It depends
No call now
And no bell now
Let's see how you can get Rachel
I want to tell you, Rachel
I fall in love with you for a long time
But I'm ashamed
I don't have guts to tell you
So I decided to go for a,
...30 second time-slot on TV
to tell you what's in my secret heart
Rachel
He's in all the channels. Turn it off
Don't! I want to watch
In front of 5 million people
I want to show my true love to you
No matter you accept it or not
I want to see you
Or I will carry my regrets to the grave
Where are you going?
To find valentine. Give way
Rachel!
Rachel
Sheng! @! @! @What's going on?
She just gets in
It's broken. I'm going to find her
You wait me here
I thought you wouldn't come
Why you don't tell me in my face
I know I'm no match for Sheng
I don't want we three suffer
So let me be the suffering one
valentine
Put me down, put me down
Help, help
Who cry for help?
Leave him alone
Put me down
Hang him up there until tomorrow morning
It's raining all night
It's really raining! Shit! Help!
Help!
I read it from paper
They flied to France 3 days ago
It's over! I've lost my fame!
You couldn't dump her few days ago
But now you don't need to think about it
What do you know?
If I dump her, she doesn't feel bad
But now the one who was dumped is me
I have no face
I lost to valentine
In fact, you were more likely to lose
Your words make me mad! I want to die!
Please be seated.
Thank you
What is it?
Someone come to see you
Who?
Look at him
How are you? Are you alright?
You're supposed to be in France
You're right. But I come back first
Do you remember...
what you said to me
I said my car...
Actually your mother asked Uncle valentine
to help you in dumping Rachel
Mom
Rachel is a romantic girl
You two won't be forever
When I arrived France
I introduced a cute boy to her
And she loved him at first sight
Then I took my chance to leave her
valentine is a good man, Sheng
Mom, it's enough
You know, I won't give up until I win
You have nothing to lose
If I lose
I will be a monk
Alright, I'll give you one more chance
What's the deal?
I know the beauty queen Miss Mao Yingying
will visit Hong Kong
Let's see who can have her first
Mao Yingying.
Not bad.
Mao Yingying
She is Queen of Balsam
Her father is godfather in Chinatown
He has both money and face
You must win her heart
Dad, it's hard for me to get money
But it's too easy for me to get a girl
Either you make it
Or you lose it
Because my business...
suffers a disastrous decline this year
Look.
Not that bad
What did you say?
Oh my god! It's terribly bad!
Now only Mao Yingying's father...
can save my business
If you don't become his daughter's husband
your dad won't even have bean to eat
Then I even won't have bean skin to eat
And I even won't have bean scum
Therefore,
you have to beat down all enemies
and get Mao Yingying
Who is my enemy?
Sheng and valentine
God, not them again
Tomorrow
Mao Yingying will throw her birthday party
And her aunt and guardian
will be the hostess
You must do everything
to stop them going to the party
Do you understand?
Miss Mao
You're beautiful
Bullshit
Miss Mao
You're gorgeous
You're fantastic
Here
Thank you
I'm warning you
If you do that again
I'll scream
Let's have fun
I don't want to have fun with you
Put on the trousers.
Alright
Who are you looking for?
Is Mr. Yan Quansheng here?
Welcome back, Sheng
I come here is to ask him to be my master
You idiot is liar!
No, I'm not
I really want you to be my master
Since you grabbed my girlfriend last time
I realized that you're smarter than me
So I want you to be my master
You should know that
Sit down.
Two of a kind
I want to ask you about...
the trick of courting girls
Courting girls?
Where's the toilet? My tummy aches
Upstairs
I'm happy today
Let me teach you some tricks
It's gonna make you mortifyingly itchy!
It's called Wicked and Merciless
Fix her as you can
That's all for today's lesson
You know where to find me
I'm going, master
I have a date! Let me apply some perfume
It won't be washed away for a month
Yes, boss
My blue valentine, I am coming
Did you say it wouldn't be washed away?
Miss Mao
Are the guests all here?
Almost
Miss Mao?! @! @She is still in upstairs
Fine, you're very pretty
You can go down there now! @! @Coming
Come on
Don't forget your manner
I got it. Is that okay?
All the playboys in Hong Kong are here
Don't be fooled by them
Yes, my aunt
Would you stop your muttering?
There is no good man in the world
Your father asked me to be your guardian
I won't let you fooled by men
I'll give him a punch if you're fooled
It's valentine
What's wrong? She doesn't look at me
They are valentine and Yan Quansheng
They are two of the worst men...
in today's guests
I say they are two of the best
Let me introduce myself. I'm valentine
Nice to meet you. Help yourself
Let's go there
Miss Mao, Miss Mao
The woman who wears glass is her aunt
She is the goalkeeper
See who can goal?
May I, Miss Mao?
She is exhausted today
Why don't you ask Miss Yu?
Miss Yu's dance is excellent
I'm sorry, Yingying...
May I?
Me... Yes, yes
What's wrong? Ask her and not me
Where are you going?
May I?
Me
Yes
Sure
Do you know...
it's my birthday party?
I know
Why you don't look at me?
I don't like to compete with others
And you're not pretty at all
Your eyes is too big
Your nose is too straight
You mouth is too small
You're too tall
But add all that up
you're not bad
You're honest
I don't want you to be my girlfriend
I don't need to tell lies
Why don't we go out?
I'm poor
I don't believe that
Your car costs one million
It's not mine
It belongs to my rich dad
I love arts. I hate money
I don't believe that
You don't believe that?
This is the car key
Why you throw it away?
I want you to believe me
I'm going to go back by bus
You...
Yingying
You leave your guests and have fun here
Go back and receive your guests
It doesn't matter. I can do that alone
Danger
How come I'm so itchy?
Do you know Mr. valentine?
Yes, I know him well
Yingying.
Aunt. They are good men
Good men?
They look like monkeys
No, this music is too cool
Have a good chat
You don't need to do that
Tell me what you want
I'm sorry
When do you have time, Miss Mao?
I want to treat you dinner
She won't have time until next year
I'm sorry
Son of a bitch, I have no face
I don't know about it, boss
Dumb ass
Excuse me
You're...
I'm Lolento. I come to this party with him
Why you don't show your face?
I have nettle rash
Nettle rash?
My goodness!
Put him in bed now
Aunt, aunt
It's alright. He'll be better soon
Don't come if you're like this
Go, go
Cool!
You're lucky
If Lolanto didn't screw me
I would make it
Not really
You can get Mao Yingying
But you can't get her aunt
This woman hates man
She must hate me
But from my experience,
in fact, she needs men
Really?
She hides her passion inside
It's like a bomb
She is waiting a right man to fire it
And she'll explode
You're the right man
We two are not the right guys to do that
But we can teach you...
to court her
Who can do that?
You're robbers
No, I'm Lolento
How dare you show up?
Stop hitting me
Let's hear their words
Tell me
Brothers
I know I owe you
But I want to ask you a favor
Not again
No
I know that...
I'm no match in courting Yingying
I beg you
Give up courting Yingying
You have lost all your dignity
Why you have to court Yingying?
My father has failed in business
If I don't become Yingying's husband
I'll become a beggar
You deserve it
We want somebody to court her aunt
You want me chase aunt Mao?
She is just thirty something
And she is as rich as her brother
It's easier for you to court her
That's right
If you court her
We'll teach you without condition
If you want to date girls
you must be act like a gentleman
But look at you, forget it
What can I do?
You need to pester her
Pester
Women...
like to pretend
She likes you, but she yells at you
She wants you, but she turns you down
You have to pester her
How?
If she yells at you, imagine she is singing
If she hits you, imagine she is patting
When she pisses off, you smile
When she goes, you say goodbye
When she is mad at you, you kneel down
When she swears
you have to kiss her ass
Do we need such training?
You're nothing
You're dirty and shameless
You're asshole
Enough
You're not thick-skinned enough
You're not humble enough
You need to be trained again
Apply skin thickening cream everyday
to thicken your skin
And you'll become a new man
Yes, I'll change
Appearance and manner are important
Any gesture should be noble
Even a smile
Smile to me
Look at your smile
Look at me
Look at you. Smile like that
How can you be a great lover?
Smile again
Eyes are important in fascinating women
Use your eyes
to draw her attention
Then wherever you go
she won't let her eyes off you
It's easy in words
You show me how to do that
Watch me
Look at the glass like I do
Until it moves
What? I...
You're useless
Just slipped out of my hands
Now is the kissing lesson
I like this
Who practices with me?
Bottle
There are balls inside the bottle
Follow me like this
Suck them out one by one
All out. You're going to make it
Can you do me a favor, Doctor?
An urgent case
I'm going to give a test to you
Show me
If you can remember how to say I love you
in different languages.
I remember
Go
Cantonese I love you
Chaozhou dialect I love you
Shanghai dialect I love you! @
Japanese I love you
Taiwan dialect I love you
French! @ I love you
German I love you
African sign language
Forget it?
Bastard, that's motherfucker
What a shame!
I have no time to memorize them all
Copy them two thousand times
valentine, Lolento
valentine
It's you
My disciple is like me
My master is like me
We are like each other
But I wonder...
if he can have Aunt Mao
It's up to him
It's up to me
Do you know me?
valentine
I'm not valentine. I'm Lolento
You're the one with a nettle rash face
You want to see Yingying? Forget it
I won't let you see her
You've got me wrong
I want to date you
Me? Yes! @
I fall in love with you at first sight
I have a crush on you
I love you. I love you madly
I'm crazy. I'm crazy in love
I don't fear women hitting me
I don't fear women beating me
I don't even fear women scratching me
You're dirty and shameless
You're a big bad egg
When you yell at me, imagine you're singing
When you hit me, imagine you're patting
Look at my eyes
What are you doing? Let me go
Don't do that, lecher
Let me go
You don't want that?
Alright
Don't scratch me hard
It hurts?
Of course
Where are you going?
It's not good here
Why don't we go to some romantic place?
Fine, I go up and get changed
Wait me.
Okay
I make it. Come in
I make it
You take care yourself
I got it
You're pretty
Let's go! @ Okay
Bye
Now only we left
Good.
After you
You must have tricks when you give way
This time I let you go first
Then you're wrong
I don't have any trick this time. Bye
Come in
Miss Mao
Why are you here?
He dates my aunt. He is great!
Where are we going to have dinner?
Why he comes here?
Are you going out?
Then I'm leaving
Sheng, let's go together
No, it's my own wishful thinking
But you're perfect match to valentine
Why are you saying that?
We are friends
I have no money and no car
Unless you want to stroll in park
Yingying is a good girl, valentine
Good to her
I bless you
Let's have dinner someday
Kid
Sheng
Won't you go out with valentine?
I want to go out with you
I don't deserve you
Don't say that
I have no money and status
It's not promising if you stay with me
But I like you
No matter what,
you really want to stay with me?
Yes
This room is artistic
What's wrong?
It's a bit dirty
Sit down. Let me get some water to you
Don't look at this picture
Remember, don't look at it
God! You have looked at it
I'm in shame
I'm really in shame
Why are you in shame?
You don't blame me
Why I blame you?
Yingying
You can eat it after 3 minutes
I can wait even it's in 3 hours
Hi!
Leave me alone
I'll go after I wash the dishes
She is...
I'm nothing
I'm Mrs. Yan's private nurse
Don't worry
Didn't you told me you were not here?
Am I bothering you? Fine, bye
My bet with valentino is not over yet
Come on
Let's go out and have dinner
What about the noodles?
There is a wonton noodle stall here
It's cheap and delicious
Why your dad wants to see me so sudden?
I don't know. But he said...
Everything must be done fast
What is he like?
He is a powerful man. Here he comes
My daughter mentioned about you thousand times
I like young man like you
So do I
You maybe wrong, boss
What? I won't get wrong
If I'm wrong, it's your fault. Yes
I like you because you're poor
Do you know that?
I was poor when I was young
I didn't even have money to buy rice wine
But I have ambition and pride
I have brotherhood and heroic spirit
And he has breath, too
Tell him. What else do I have?
You have talent in writing, boss
You have strength in singing
You have skills in diving
And... he had hernia last year
What?
I'm glad that you date my daughter
Daddy!
Isn't he dating you?
If you make my daughter upset
I will disarm you
Go get married next week
So soon!
What?
No, I also think about that
Closer, away a bit
Away a bit
Mr. Mao
You're here, dad
Can I? Yes, you can
Cheese
You look different, aunt
He also looks different
I've cooked some soup for you, honey
You have to finish it
Animal dick soup again? No
What?
You don't do what my sister told you
No, I have it now
You're killing me
Why?
You get married with aunt Mao
Your father didn't go bankruptcy
She needs sex so much. I'll be dead soon
You're better than me
Yingying's father treats me like a puppet
Aunt
Let's go downstairs and choose the slides
No one is down there. We can take our time
Not again. Let's go
Bye, dead man
What are you doing here?
To congratulate you
I really lose this time
Needless to say
Take your love for fun
to win the game
Does it worth to do it?
I'm sure you don't love Yingying
Think about the one you love
It's none of your business
Your mother asked me to help you
Didn't expect you to screw up things like this
Would you stop your bullshit?
Listen up if you like to
It's your loss...
to give up a good girl like Ah Mei
Welcome back, Sheng
You're getting married tomorrow
Don't bother me
I just come to work
Sheng, Sheng
Ah Mei quitted the job
She went back to Canada
What happened?
I don't know
Go ask her, go
Ah Mei, look
Ah Mei, Ah Mei
Where are you going?
Move
Come on
What are you doing?
Cop, get down
Don't look and move
You listen to me
What do you want?
Why are you leaving?
Is that because of me?
No
Because of my mother?
Leave me alone
You're getting married tomorrow
Do you want to fool me until tomorrow
Let me explain to you, Ah Mei
I said get down
Why?
Because I'm cop
You're cop. Then who am I?
You...
Sir, it's just kidding
Get down
Take a bath at home and then go for wedding
Where is Ah Mei going?
I don't know
Let's have some tea
I don't want to have tea
What do you want to eat?
Sausages with fried eggs
You're getting married today. Don't do that
I understand now, mom
The one I love is Ah Mei, not Yingying
I want to find her
Who bailed you out, son?
Go to my place now
Why not the church?
The church said boss is notorious
We're not allowed to get in
No problem. I had found you a priest
To hold the ceremony, let's go
Mr. Mao, I want to...
What?
I want to change the date
What?
I remember
You're man. You have nothing to worry
Tell him
He flees
Don't worry
My daughter won't be a widow
Have a candy!
What can I do, valentine?
Don't worry
I'm going to find Ah Mei and get Sheng out
Congratulation
Thank you
Boss
Would you hold the wedding ceremony?
How is that? God won't forgive you
Which gang does God belong?
I'll take him if he intervenes
Congratulation
Welcome you, valentine
Take care of it
Please
My friends has come
What to do now?
I just congratulate you
Don't make joke now
Cut the crap. Hold my hand
Okay
I have two big presents for you
I have business to do. Bye
Okay
It's time. Let's go
Ah Mei will take flight at 3 p.m.
If you love her,
hide in the present that I gave you
What?
Please open the bible
Be quick
We now...
Just ask my daughter will she marry him
Will you marry him?
Yes
I'm going to cook some soup for you tonight
I don't need it now
Will you marry her?
Say it!
I'm sorry
Ah Sheng
Get him. Get hold of him
This could well be a refusal
Well, I can deny too
Come back
God forgive me
Wait
Come on
What's that box?
Brother, I don't care
Get him now
I'm gonna castrate him
You can do what you like except that thing
Alright
You, dispatch a car right away to chase him
You, call killers
We go in different way
Stop! Stop the car now
It's broken
Get out
How can you so fast?
People with good skill
won't drop their trousers
What's wrong? You're late
Why're so few people chasing us?
Maybe they are all what Mao's father has got
What's that noise?
Seems like it's many men
Is that so?
I don't care how many people
If we pump gasoline into the car
maybe it can move faster than him
If we had gasoline
What if we have no gasoline?
I'm frightened
Go
Where would we escape to?
There is a stadium over there
You can't escape from me
It's like a kind of cliché
You said the same thing to other godfathers
Now you said that to us
If you beat this ten men down
I'll let you go
You're stupid
I won't go away if I can do that
Yes
I'm a fair guy
They have bats in their hands
I'm going to give you two bats
Fair?
We won't be sad if the world is fair
It's too much
Bat with nails
Is this a bat?
Take your time
Alright
I have a bat
Throw it to me
Okay
Then I don't have my chance
No one would hit a fella already down!
I agree with you
Quick, what shall we do?
Run
Great
Try the bats
Run!
If I don't fight against them
How would I know how great I'm in fighting!
Mao's father is out there
Oh yes!
We have been beat down, boss
Do you want to have a look?
Get in
It's alright
It's a trap
Lock it in this way
Let us out!
Sorry, I can't! Bye! @ -Go
Give me the candy
I don't feel good without candy.
No way
2:50 p.m.
It's time. Come on
Shit! She's gone
Is there any flight to Canada at 3 p. M?
Is there?
Fried chicken, eat it
You're still here?
valentine had told me
You have to know that from valentine?
Promise me one thing
What?
Never go out with other girls
It's easy
I won't even look at them
But a foreign chick isn't a girl, is it?
I'll never do it again!